you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
