chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
