I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
