Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
