I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Randomize