hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
