A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
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