Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
I smell stomach acid.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
