She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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