when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize
