paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
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