Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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