He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
