I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
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