i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
