My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Randomize
