Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
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