$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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