Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize