I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
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