My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
