So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Randomize
