i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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