Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Randomize