So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
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