At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
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my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
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we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
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