boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
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you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
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You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
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