he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
