I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
