if i can run in heels then i can drive
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Randomize
