she was so not down for the gang bang
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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