I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
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You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
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She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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