you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
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