Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
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