Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Randomize
