Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Randomize
