Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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