all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
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