yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
You smell like stripper and shame
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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