Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
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My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
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omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
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