I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
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I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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