I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
