Ambien. No doubt about it.
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
