i just wanna soil my oats bro
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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