Betty ford says i'm here all night
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Randomize
