my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
