I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
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