I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
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