How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize