Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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