I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
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