If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
a search helicopter?!
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
