....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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