He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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