I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
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