I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
