its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
