there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
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