Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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